Asking for Help Without Feeling Like a Burden

Hands up if you have to be at breaking point before you'll ask for help? Be honest with yourself, do you find asking for help almost impossible?
I know I bloody well do.

And it’s not just the big things, is it? For many of us, even the smallest asks, like “Can you pick up milk?” or “Could you proofread this for me?”, can make us squirm. If you grew up being the “capable one,” the “helper,” or the “good girl,” chances are you find giving easy, but receiving… not so much.

Why it’s hard for many women to ask for help

There’s this unspoken rule many of us absorbed somewhere along the way: that being independent means never needing anyone. That to be strong, you must hold it all together on your own.
Add a sprinkle of people-pleasing and a dash of perfectionism, and suddenly you’re juggling everything… work, family, emotions, the mental load, and smiling while you do it. Until, of course, you hit the wall.

For me, asking for help has always stirred up a mix of things: I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to look like I can’t handle my life. And honestly, there’s a part of me that just likes things done my way. Control, comfort, pride, it all gets tangled together.

Reframing help as connection, not weakness

But what if asking for help wasn’t a sign of weakness, but an act of trust?
When someone asks you for help, how do you feel? Usually honoured, right? It says, “I trust you. I value you. I feel safe with you.”

We forget that letting someone in can actually strengthen the bond between you. It allows others to show up in the same way you’ve probably shown up for them countless times. Help can be a bridge - an exchange of care, not a debt.

Choosing the right people and the right ask

Not everyone has earned the right to hold your vulnerability. So part of this is about being intentional.
Ask yourself: Who in my life can I lean on safely? Who listens without fixing? Who makes things lighter, not heavier?

Then, start small. A practical request, a favour that’s easy to fulfil. It doesn’t always have to be emotional. Let someone drop dinner off, pick up the kids or listen while you vent. Tiny asks build trust and soften that inner resistance over time.

How to receive without over-apologising

This one’s tough. Our instinct is to cushion every ask with apology:
“Sorry to bother you, but…”
“I hate to ask, but…”
“Only if you have time…”

Try cutting those disclaimers out. Replace sorry with thank you.
Instead of “Sorry I’m asking again,” try “Thank you so much, that means a lot.”
It shifts the energy completely, from shame to gratitude.

Gratitude as part of the exchange

And that’s really the heart of it. Gratitude closes the loop. It acknowledges the care received and reinforces that this exchange is human, not transactional.

You don’t owe anyone perfection in return. Just presence, appreciation, and maybe a moment down the track where you’re the one offering a hand.

Asking for help isn’t about being incapable. It’s about letting yourself be human. And letting connection do its quiet magic.