How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty
There are so many concepts floating around in the wellness world that sound great in theory but feel impossible to apply in real life. “Just say no” is one of them. I’ve heard it in conversations with friends, in meditation groups, and all over social media, and for years I honestly thought, I don’t want to say no to my sister who needs help with her kids or my mum who wants to catch up… so what does this even mean for someone like me?
It turns out I wasn’t confused, I was boundary-less and had a blind-spot to the things I should actually be saying no to. I thought saying yes to everything made me a good person, kept everyone happy and me safe. What I didn’t realise was how much it was costing me, long term.
Then three months ago, everything finally clicked. I turned down paid work. And even though my gut had known for days that this job wasn’t right for me, the objections inside me rose fast and loud.
My inner critic went into full doom mode
“You’ll never get another job.”
“You’re being lazy.”
“You’re letting everyone down.”
I even caught myself talking negatively about the company, which looking back feels unnecessary and a little mean-girl. It was just my discomfort looking for somewhere to land.
But underneath all of that, there was relief. My body knew I’d made the right decision, even if my nervous system needed a minute to catch up.
And that’s the thing we don’t talk about enough. Saying yes feels easier in the moment, but it often costs us more than the brief discomfort of saying no. One rushed yes can steal hours, days or weeks of our energy. One honest no can give us ourselves back.
EXERCISING your “no” muscle
If something doesn’t feel right, if you are stretched too thin, or if you simply do not want to do it, you’re allowed to decline with grace.
You don’t need to write a thesis or invent an elaborate excuse. A simple template works beautifully:
“Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I’m not able to take this on right now.”
If it feels appropriate, add a short reason, but you truly don’t owe anyone a detailed breakdown.
When guilt shows up (because it probably will)
Some people can set boundaries without a single wobble. If that’s you, please teach the rest of us your ways. For most of us, guilt is part of the early boundary-setting phase.
My two essentials for moving through it:
1. Stay respectful and aligned in how you communicate.
If I know I’ve spoken honestly and kindly, it’s easier to let go of the guilt.
2. Journal or talk it out.
The thoughts in your head will twist themselves into knots. Getting them out onto paper or into a voice note with a friend helps you see the situation clearly again. It stops that exhausting cycle of looping, overthinking and catastrophising.
A small invitation
If you’re struggling with boundaries, consider this your gentle nudge to practise one small no this week. Something tiny. Something honest. Something that frees up even a few minutes of peace or energy.
Your future self will thank you for it.